Centro will begin placing glitter bombs in the large pots and hanging baskets that adorn major downtown corridors, the non-profit announced on Thursday, April 1st. This is an effort to curb persistent vandalism which has caused damage to the pots, planters, and hanging baskets that Centro curates.
“We’re fed up,” said Matt Brown, Centro CEO. “Everyday we wake up to find scores of our flowers and plants withering sadly on the ground or wilting because someone watered them a beer. We’ve tried asking kindly to just leave our plants alone. Everyone always says, ‘Hey, Centro Ambassadors are the nicest people.’ Well, maybe we’re tired of being nice.”
According to Centro, glitter bombs have been an effective deterrent to so called “Porch Pirates,” individuals who steal packages from doorsteps, and they could be used to discourage the vandalism of the beautiful plant life in downtown San Antonio’s public right-of-way.
The Centro Ambassador team was hesitant at first to implement this strategy, but eventually came around to it, says Mike Pacheco, General Manager of the Centro Ambassadors. “This certainly escalated quickly,” he says, “But Matt [Brown] eventually convinced me. There was an unhinged look in his eyes that made me think I better not press the point.”
“I wouldn’t know about that,” Matt Brown responded.
Downtowners have been given fair warning of the impending “Glitter-pocalypse”. Matt insists this new practice aligns with their mission to create a more beautiful downtown by saving the plants or spraying glitter everywhere. “Either way, it’s more colorful,” Matt said as he loaded up rainbow sparkles.